Living in the Background

Here recently, its been evident to me that God is really trying to speak to me in a specific area of my life - following Him no matter what the cost. See I don't think I'm alone in the way I tell God that I'll follow Him and surrender to Him and give up everything I am in pursuit of all that He is...but so often I find that I'm only halfheartedly committing to Him. Rather, what I'm showing God through my actions is that I'll do whatever He wants as long as it works for me.

As long as I'm comfortable.

As long as it doesn't interfere with my schedule.

As long as I'm still financially secure.

As long as what I think He would want me to do in life is actually what He wants from me.

Kyle Idleman recently taught on this topic in a sermon at Southeast Christian Church. During this sermon, Kyle said something that made a lot of sense in my life - in fact I'm pretty sure he had me in mind when he wrote this sermon. In so many words, he said the way we approach following God's will is like this: "God I want what you want as long as what you want is actually what I want."

And I'm sad to say that I've found myself in this boat a lot here recently. From the decisions I've made at work to how I've handled some situations with friends and family, its become increasingly evident to me that I'm not only selfish in a lot of ways, but I've failed to let God guide me in those situations. I've gotten in my head only a few possibilities of what God needs from me in my life and I'm content to exist in these few possibilities because they are comfortable for me.

Kyle goes on in his sermon to say that God is so much more concerned with the "who" rather than the "what." That is to say He is more concerned with WHO we are than with WHAT we do.

If we are totally committed, all in and sold out to following him.

If we are men and women who are after His heart.

If His love for us and our love for Him are the motivating factors behind everything we do.

All of these factors play into more of who we are rather than what we do. Again, I have to say that when looking at my own life, I'm more concerned with the what rather than the who - that is to say I would rather know more about what God wants me to do rather than who He needs me to be. I think I'm beginning to find that the reason behind this is because when I focus on the WHO, I find that I'm failing miserably.

See I'm starting to discover that when I focus more on who God needs me to be rather than what He wants me to do, I realize that I have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of my life that needs to be surrendered, and I need to live in the BACKGROUND rather than in the spotlight.

The words to the LeCrae song Background - linked above - resonate so strongly with where I am right now. I'm realizing  that so many desires I have in life are there because they're what I want - and what I think God wants - for my life. However, I'm seeing that what God wants is not always exactly what I think it is. I'm finding that when I focus more on being the man God wants me to be, the more He'll be able to use me doing what he needs me to do - whether that is ministry in the church or in the Y or wherever else He leads me.

As I've been seeking God's will and what he wants me to do in life, I'm finding more and more that if I would simply die to myself - surrendering everything I am to find everything He is - I will find He has something so much greater in store for me than I could ever imagine. As I start to live in the background and let God take the spotlight, I'm content with the idea that what I want may not necessarily be what He wants for me. And as I'm continuing to die to myself, I'm more comfortable with saying to God: "Whatever you want - even if what you want isn't what I want."